It is very negative to go into the next examination that you'll be taking right after you start complaining about the weird and tough questions and the apparent crap that comes out of your brain to manifest itself on your paper. But I cannot resist because I've been resisting since Tuesday.

Here goes. The story of my A levels. (Or a third of it since I still have 2 more weeks left)

I went into the exam room feeling like I could ace the Math Paper and I expected to go out feeling like I aced the paper. Sadly, I went out feeling like utter shit. I felt cheated, doing all those years of TYS could simply not prepare me enough for the paper. I wonder if looking back, I could have done better but the fear and irrationality of the questions made my mind go blank with horror and disbelief. Still slightly optimistic, because Paper 2 could save my A. Ha! Stats were ... basically I stopped counting the number of marks I lost after it hit 20 plus. I told whoever I could that the people who set the paper ought to be shot and dragged by wild horses over hot coals. Then I decided that death would be too good for them and tried to devise other means of trying to make them pay for the amount of suffering I was going through with this huge blow to my self confidence. Then I decided that I better start doing my history. I slept at 1, trying to study for history and not even studying for GP which I need to get at least a B3 for. I simply couldn't finish. GP essays were weird, or rather I simply could not remember enough facts to do them. I did 3 mindmaps before settling on the question which was about the dependence of the world on oil. I suspect I did not manage to make whatever examples I had bring out the points well enough. It was medicore. The GP passage was kind of weird since it only had one passage. I was suspicious enough to check with the questions to see if I was somehow missing out a passage. I had fun before history because of the people I was sitting with who were trying to study with me. We are all capable of going hysterical when the stress starts to hit us. Then we had to go for history so GP and history in one day. I looked at the source based. It had 4 sources. I looked again. This year is so weird, we normally have 5 sources to evaluate but there were only 4. Lucky thing if not I would not be able to finish. I ended up doing IR, RR and totalitarianism. I wanted to do NI but could not really understand the question. Actually, aside from the IR question, which again was suspiciously easy, I did not really understand the rest. Especially the RR one. My brain refused to put my thoughts in my brain into concrete ideas that made sense.

Anyway, that's it. Tried studying for econs and lit but couldn't really do it. I don't know if I can do lit tomorrow, we'll worry about econs when it comes after tomorrow. Seriously, I don't know the text for country wife well enough and I know that even if I do the context, I probably won't be able to make a real go at it. I need to do a context for merchant's tale too. Unless there's a question on tone and imagery. Then I'll laugh like a madman in the exam venue. And if there's isn't a question on Angelo or Isabella and how they change in the course of Measure for Measure to reflect the themes in the play I'll shoot someone. My context is far from perfect due to the lack of sensitivity to the language. Help.

But through it all, I thank the Lord for seeing me through this past week. It's been ups and downs, mostly downs but the people who've been encouraging me all this while have provided the ups to make up for the downs.